Listen. Stop blaring your headlines at me, telling me not to buy a powerball ticket. Stop telling me the odds today are 1 in 292 million, and that I'm more likely to get struck by lightning. Apparently 250 times more likely.
I'm not looking to get struck by lighting. I'm looking to win big bucks. Do I care about the odds? What are the odds if I don't buy a ticket?
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Besides, odds are irrelevant. They're for gamblers. I'm not a gambler. I never even play powerball. I don't go to casinos for that matter, and guess what? I hate Las Vegas (although, I must say those Cirque du Soleil shows are pretty entertaining). The last time I scratched a lottery ticket, it was because someone bought me ten for my birthday. I didn't win.
And stop telling me that a few hundred million dollars after taxes is going to make my life hell. That I'll lose all of my friends and go bankrupt. Do you really want me to believe that all of that money is going to ruin my life? I think I'll manage.
Listen, I'm a reasonable person and a journalist. I weigh the facts. I try not to let my emotions get the best of my judgement. I understand the impetus for all of the articles out there laying it out for me in Times 12-point font, making the case, giving me the research and the rationale behind my unfortunate decision. I admire the crafty transitions, embedded links and the build up to the ultimate point and then the kicker.
Powerball Millions – What Happens If You Win?
I also appreciate the speculations on why all the frenzy. Wages and income are stagnant. People don't want to feel left out.
Yes, thank you. This is a phenomenon. Phenomenons are exciting. They tend to sweep people up into their hysterical dust pans.
But I'm bold enough to admit that the mere idea of winning is enticing. Imaging a future where I have more money than I know what to do with. Except, I know what I'd do with it. First, I'd pay off my mom's mortgage. She's on a fixed income. I'd buy her a new car, too, and buy her a new roof. We all hate that roof.
I'd do the same for my brothers, two working class guys who bust their butts out in the freezing cold and scorching heat every single day. I'd put money in a college fund for my nephews.
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Then, I'd set myself up. Quit my job. Get a nice little place on a lake somewhere and focus on my writing. I'd donate some money to charity, too. I like elephants. Probably do some social entrepreneur stuff on the side. How would I deal with all of those random people coming out of the woodwork asking for money? I dunno. I'd hire a guy.
So stop with all your grousing. I'm getting a ticket. I might buy a few. I won't win. Probably. Most likely. On the way to the 7-Eleven, I'll get struck by lightning. It doesn't matter.