How to Stock Your Doomsday Closet
When the massive solar flare and/or devastating global earthquake and/or interplanetary collision destroy the human race on Dec. 21, 2012, you're probably going to need more than canned food, a hand crank radio and a few flashlights to get through what is likely going to be an initial rough patch.
With a mere 269 days left to get what you'll need to survive whatever post-apocalyptic world may await you after doomsday, we thought we'd provide some ideas for supplies you might not already have on your list to get you through the worst of the end times.
(Note: Not every product listed here has been marketed by their respective manufacturers toward 2012 hysterics. That hasn't stopped a few clever marketers from using their last days on Earth to earn a few bucks off the alleged apocalypse.)
When the entire surface of the planet is mired in destruction, you're probably going to want to go underground. With a custom-built 19,200-square-foot honeycomb bomb shelter, you can spend the rest of your end times in the luxurious style and manner of some kind of subterranean bee.
For as little as $150 per square foot, the shelter can be constructed with concrete walls up to 12 inches thick, ideal for any disaster from a global pandemic to an earthquake or even a nuclear blast.
A well-stocked armory is a must for any post-2012 survivor. But what do you get the extreme survivalist who has everything on a special occasion?
Chocolate bullets are a tasty way to show you care. Not only will your gift provide 20-round assault of milk chocolate, but also a handy, lockable tin that can store actual bullets.
And who knows? Come Easter 2013, we all might be ringing in the holiday from our tactically situated bomb shelters with chocolate bullets instead of marshmallow peeps.
If you're a health nut, then it looks like you'll be out of luck after Dec. 21, 2012.
With a shelf life of 10 years, Tactical Bacon guarantees that its savory pork flavor will last a lot longer than you do after spending the first six months of 2013 eating nothing but Tactical Bacon and the occasional chocolate bullet.
A bulletproof vest might have kept you safe in an especially dangerous community in the pre-2012 era. But after the Apocalypse hits, you're probably going to need a little more protection.
In case you ever find yourself overwhelmed by cannibals or zombies after December 21, a chainmail shirt and helmet will keep them from taking a bite out of you.
And in case those cannibals or zombies happen to know how to operate a firearm, you can always wear a bulletproof vest underneath anyway.
No one can predict what kind of trade would be left behind after a doomsday event and the subsequent fallout. But if you need to conduct business in the post-2012 world, you might need to be ready to barter.
If you're unwilling to trade anything of real value, why not invest in a a few bars of fake gold instead? After all, stocking up for doomsday is an expensive effort.
Just make sure you're not actually trading for fake diamonds.
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